So yeah. Wine.
After my last post on Books and Wine, I stayed away from the stuff. I went something like 4 days without a drop of wine. And for the record, I felt great. I was sleeping well. Waking up refreshed. I felt good during the day. And then, this past Friday, I decided to try an experiment. I would buy a bottle of Pinot Grigio and enjoy it like an adult. I would have one glass with dinner Friday night, and then put the bottle away to enjoy the rest some other time.
Did that happen? Of course not. I downed the entire bottle on Friday night, and then I did something I have never done before: I got into J’s vodka and made myself a vodka / cran. Luckily, I only had one of those before I passed out on the couch.
And why did I do that?? I don’t even know because I barely remember doing it. Somehow the idea that a vodka / cran would taste great after a whole bottle of Pinot Grigio wiggled its way into my alcohol-clouded head, and there you have it.
Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.
And I woke up on Saturday feeling stupider than ever. Not only was my head clanging louder than a university marching band, but I felt so sick to my stomach from being so stupid (and I’m sure hangover nausea was in there somewhere too) that I would have given myself one of those Social Darwin awards.
Why? Why can’t I enjoy a glass of wine like everyone else without drinking an entire bottle? Why can’t I have wine in the house and not drink it?
So, once again, I have told myself: No. More. I have to give the stuff up entirely. I can’t drink it like your average adult. I can’t have it in the house. I can’t be around it. I obviously can’t control myself when I am within reaching distance of a bottle, so that’s it. It has to be out of the picture.
And it is frustrating because every time I do this, I ask myself: why am I doing this? Yeah, I love the taste of wine, but I also love the taste of cranberry juice (without vodka), lemonade, club soda, coffee, and tea. I can drink any of those instead and not end up in a coma. Yeah, the alcohol relaxes me, but it also makes me pass out, leaves me sleep-deprived and groggy, gives me a headache and a queasy stomach, and renders me completely useless. Is the alcohol-induced relaxation worth all that? No! I don’t want to come home every night and end up comatose on my couch. There are too many books to read; too many craft projects to do; too many bike rides to take. All of which make me far happier than a glass of wine has ever done!
Which I feel deep down in my bones when I go through “dry spells.” I have tried to give up wine before. And I have been successful in the past. I have gone as long as 6 months without a drop of alcohol. And I have always felt great during those dry spells. My sleep is always deeper and more refreshing. My evenings are obviously more productive, and therefore, more enjoyable. My days are better because I feel alert, awake, and with it.
This is not rocket science. So what happens? I think that after going so long without wine, I start to forget. I forget how crappy I feel when I drink so much of it. And I keep telling myself that I’ll buy a bottle, but only have ONE glass. And what do I do? Buy a bottle and drink the whole thing.
Now, it’s written down. It’s right here in black and white for me to see.
No. More. Wine.
Wine. Is. Bad. For. You.
You. Can’t. Control. Yourself. When. Wine. Is. Around.
I have a problem. And if I want to keep the wonderfully happy life I have right now, I need to give it up. Remember that, Rachel: the wine? Or your happy life? Which is more important to you??
Friday night was it. I haven’t had any wine since… a whole 2 days. But the count starts now. And if that is what I have to do to keep the NO WINE mantra, than that is what I will do.
I also need to treat myself in other ways. No more “it was a great day – I’ll celebrate with a glass of wine.” Or “it was an awful day – give me a glass of wine and no one gets hurt.” I have to find other rewards. Other ways to improve the bad days.
Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups. They are as close to perfection as you can get in an ingestible form.
Or for goodness’ sake: a new book! Who loves books here? I do! Take the money I would spend on wine and buy a new book. One can never have too many books, after all.
Or take Artemis out for a ride! Although, the poor thing did get a screw caught in her back tire the other day. Talk about a deflating experience – pun intended. On Thursday, I decided to take Artemis for a nice long ride (trying to stay away from the wine after all). Four miles in, the back tire is flat, and when I pull off to inspect, there is a screw! A screw!! Caught fast in the tire and tube. Only in LA would a bike rider get a screw caught in her tire. Nails, glass, shards of plastic? Sure. But a screw? Anyway… it felt like my dog had died. I could not believe how disappointed I was that my intended 20-mile ride turned into only a four-mile jaunt down the street. Poor J. I can’t believe sometimes that he actually wants to marry me.
Luckily, we got Artemis into the shop and her tire was repaired. So yesterday (Sunday), I took her on that 20-mile ride. No screws. No nails, glass, or shards of plastic either. It was sweet heaven. And I asked myself as I relished the thrill of being on Artemis for those 2 hours: why do I drink wine again?? Why?????