Restless Life Syndrome

This past weekend was another fabulous one.  I took two long bike rides; visited a new museum exhibition; read … A LOT; worked on some things for the professional committees, of which I am a member; and put in a volunteer shift as an after school tutor.

It is the kind of weekend I love.

How can I not be 100% when I have amazing sights like the Witch's House here in my own backyard?

How can I not be 100% when I have amazing sights like the Witch’s House here in my own backyard?

And yet I felt off.  I was enjoying my experiences.  I really was.  But, at the same time, I felt like I wasn’t fully there.  Like there was some part of me that was missing.

I know this sounds like the cheesy intro to a Harlequin romance novel, but I can’t think of a better way to phrase it.  The joy I normally experience when doing these types of things wasn’t the full 100%.

And then, at one point… I felt bored.  I know, I know.  Somebody call in FEMA.  They’ll get here eventually.  But I am not the “bored” type.  I always have so much to do, and so many things I want to work on, that I almost never feel bored.  I feel lazy, sure.  And even with 1,001 projects going, I can have plenty of moments where I don’t want to work on any of them.  But that is just laziness.  That is when I have one of my Buffy marathons.  I don’t feel bored during those.  I just feel like a viscous blob.

So, off-ness + boredom = deep and introspective thinking.  Who has time for hobbies when you have some deep soul-searching to do, I always ask myself?  And I have a couple of hypotheses about this offness + boredom:

Number 1 = Wine.

I am now 38 days wine-free.  I am getting closer to beating my personal best, which is in the 60-day range.  I achieved that a few years ago when I managed to humiliate myself beyond reparation at a friend’s wedding… that’s a story for another blog entry, though.

But now that I have gone this time without wine, I think anxieties and feelings I have been beating down with alcohol are starting to surface.  Anxieties and feelings that had prompted me to drink wine in the first place.  And that brings me to hypothesis # 2:

Restless Life Syndrome.

As a naturally anxious person, I spend a lot of time worrying about what I am missing.  By being here in LA, and working the job that I have, and living in the apartment that I do, what am I missing out on?  Are there jobs out there that I could be doing?  Could I be living somewhere else?  Could I be pursuing different interests?  You get the drill.

And in years past, I have often let Restless Life Syndrome take over.  I will quit a job and move onto another one.  I will pack up and move to a new apartment in a new area.  In fact, in the past 10 years, I have lived in 6 different apartments.  I have worked 4 different jobs (although to be fair, one was a part-time student job while I was pursuing my Master’s degree).  I have even volunteered for 4 different organizations.

Wow.

Now, I’m reaching a point of “settling down.”  I have been in this current job for almost 4 years – the longest I have been in a job, mind you – and I don’t want to leave it.  I have things to accomplish still.  I share an amazing apartment with my fiancé, and we have no desires to let it go.

Speaking of my fiancé, J and I are planning to get married next year.  And I realize that any life decisions I make from here on out will need to take him into consideration.  I can’t pack up and move around anymore.  Quit a job and move onto another somewhere else.  The time has come to share my life with someone.

So, I’ve been trying to find the peace and contentment I need in my life without making drastic changes.  But I am a victim of Restless Life Syndrome.  How do I change that?  How do I come to fully appreciate the life I have?  Love it 100%?

I know part of it is a change of outlook.  I have always struggled with this idea of living in the moment; appreciating what you have; seizing the day; on and on and on.  But I need to change that.  I need to be one who can live in the moment.  Who can appreciate what I have.  Who can seize the day.  I know that is what will make all my hobbies that much more fulfilling and enjoyable.

I need to shift my focus away from my own life and more towards the ones around me.  Like the kids I work with in after school tutoring.  They need my attention.  They should have my attention.  And if I really want to help them – which I do – then I need to make them my focus.  Not me.

And I need to remember the magic.  Keep looking for it.  Keep feeling it.  It is there; I know it.

Keep looking for the magic...

Keep looking for the magic…

Change the outlook.  Seize the day.  Live in the moment.  All of the above.

Change the outlook. Seize the day. Live in the moment. All of the above.

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About jnglcat21

An aspiring writer who has a deep love for animals, tall ships, books, and anything that is 3,000 or more years old
This entry was posted in Challenging Challenges : Overcoming Life's Obstacles and tagged , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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